In some ways, this complicated bit of back story is the central relationship that drives much of the whole series. So much of the books would not be possible if any of these characters had not been who and what they were.
I’ve tried, and largely failed, to address this * looking at Snape specifically, * looking at the incident of his Worst Memory, and the probable timeline around it. * looking at James specifically, * looking at Sirius specifically * and looking at the overall school situation in the 1970s.
I am not really satisfied with any of them. It is so complicated, its hard to express in a coherent fashion everything I think about these characters, about the society they are in, and about the adults that failed them.
Sometimes fan fiction authors, by changing the situations, by illustrating the realities more clearly, or both, have managed to capture the essence of my thoughts and reactions better than my more analytical essays ever have.
Kindly Stopped for Me by nodirectionhome is one such work. Chapter 14 provides insight into a possible version of what being a student in the 1970s might have looked like, might have felt like. Chapter 15 highlights the way that Snape’s relationship with Lily is disturbing, giving more of the appearance of an obsession, of a stalker, than of someone in love. They are very well done and very worth reading.
They also highlight why, when I look for things to read, I aggressively filter out works that depict Snape as Harry’s parent. The idea that Lily would reconcile with Snape this way, given an accurate (I think) understanding of the dynamic going on, is really disturbing. These works often accuse James of having used a love potion on Lily. Sure, if he had, the wedding vows would lack freedom, would thus be invalid; the marriage itself would be a sham. Of the two characters however, it seems amply clear that Snape is more likely to do this, rather than James, who endured years of being publicly rejected.